Ages 9+. Adult supervision definitely recommended.

If these eggs sound fun, then check out my glamorous Halloween post here.

"Gold Blenders! Gold port-a-potties! Gold rocket launchers! Gold everything!!!" That's an excerpt from my brain on almost any given day. I want the world, every last deprived corner of it, to glitter a-gaga with gold.

This probably has something to do with the fact that I’ve never been the same since seeing Cinderella in 1984. I have a princess complex, several decades strong, and if I had my druthers I’d be living in Versailles in the 18th century—with or without my head.

The thing is, I almost never reveal my princess complex. I’m not much of a girly-girl, despite many best efforts, and I pride myself a little self-righteously on my detachment from material things, much to the eye-rolls of those around me. But dig a little deeper, and you’ll find me driving through Palm Beach for no reason at all, drooling upon the steering wheel, and muttering with no-ifs-ands-or-buts that someday I will own an $80 million mansion and hang Monets in the bathroom. Did I mention the gold toilet plunger?

EASTER EGGS FIT FOR A PRINCESS

And so, here I am, putting it all out there on the (Chippendale) table: my princess heart on full display.

Come all you princesses, from every empire of the world, come let us celebrate Easter—the holiday of humility and self-renunciation—the only way we know how:

in gold.

Wear your tiaras and your gowns and your little glassy slippers and let’s indulge in this very royal, very wonderful project. For the others? Let them eat cake!

HOW TO MAKE PRINCESS EASTER EGGS:

WARNING: This is a very, and I mean very, stinky project. You should wear a mask and you should definitely figure out a good ventilation program for the day. Windows up, fans on, relatives out.

Materials:

face mask for fumes (example)
white eggs
food coloring
white vinegar
gilding primer (example)
leaf adhesive (example)
gold leaf flakes (example)

STEP 1: Blow your eggs. Rinse them. If you don't know how to do this by now, then you had a very deprived childhood and you should skip the following steps and go straight to a therapist.

STEP 2: Dye the eggs using a white vinegar and food coloring bath. Roughly one cup boiling water, 2 tbsps vinegar, and 20 drops of color. You can't go wrong here - any color is superb. The longer you soak the eggs, the more color they will take on.

STEP 3: Allow the eggs to fully dry overnight. This is very IMPORTANT!

STEP 4: Paint the eggs with a very thin layer of gilding primer. I couldn’t find translucent gilding primer, but the yellow was very faint and did not affect the color. I preferred a sponge brush because the hairs in the other brushes were sticking.

STEP 5: Next paint with leaf adhesive. IMPORTANT: Allow the adhesive to dry enough so that it is tacky and not slippery. I used a hair dryer to speed the process.

STEP 6: Apply the gold leaf. They say you can paint the gold leaf on with a paintbrush, but I preferred to apply the leaf with a pair of cooking tweezers (thanks to Christoph for yanking the egg out of my hand and showing me the better way to do it. He was right.) This allowed me to be more strategic with the leaf, and it gave a “spottled” look instead of a “brushed” look. Afterwards, I smoothed out the edges with a brush.

STEP 7: Varnish the eggs with a clear coat of acrylic. They immediately take on a pretty shine.

STEP 8: Allow to dry thoroughly and scoff haughtily at the pictures your friends post of their family’s common Easter eggs.

Golden glory!